Category: Parents Zone

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Parents Zone

How to cultivate a child’s manners? Respect and attention are essential

Written by: Education expert, Principal Cheung Wai jing

 

At a talent recruitment event for a large multinational company, both Siu Cheung and Siu Choi successfully passed the initial and follow-up interviews. They stood out from over 100 competitors. Whether it was written tests or communication skills, both were equally impressive, leaving the human resources department’s evaluators in a dilemma, as the company would only hire one person.

 

In the end, the company manager decided to personally interview both candidates. Surprisingly, after just a few minutes, the manager chose to hire Siu Cheung. When asked for the reason, the manager candidly stated, “The reason is simple. When I was speaking to them, Siu Cheung maintained eye contact with me the whole time, while Siu Choi was looking around, indicating that he wasn’t good at actively listening to others. Being adept at listening and respecting clients is a crucial requirement for a sales supervisor.”

 

Expressing Sincerity and Respect through Eye Contact

 

This example illustrates a straightforward lesson: eyes are the windows to the soul, and people use their gaze to convey a range of emotions such as respect, attention, disdain, and indifference. Therefore, maintaining consistent eye contact during conversations signifies your sincerity. Moreover, those who can attentively focus on others’ words without shifting their gaze will naturally earn gratitude and respect from others.

 

Schools often organize activities centered around the theme of “politeness” to encourage students to be courteous to others. “Others” includes not only family members, elders, teachers, and fellow students but also unfamiliar people. Children should learn early on about polite phrases like “good morning” and “thank you,” but many still don’t proactively greet others, let alone observe other daily life etiquette. Schools focus on teaching students how to behave politely when interacting with teachers and peers in the school setting; the rest relies on family education.

The example of “job hunting” mentioned above might not be applicable to elementary school students for the time being, but they also frequently have opportunities for interviews. If they want to leave a good impression on others, children must learn to use their eyes to show their attention and respect when conversing with others. Therefore, parents need to teach children the skills and art of listening. Of course, when parents listen to their children, they should also give them appropriate respect and attention. This way, children will learn that politeness in interpersonal interactions knows no age or status boundaries. Here are three listening tips:

  1. When listening to someone, avoid looking around and instead focus on the person’s eyes.
  2. When you understand or share the same sentiment, use your eyes to communicate and show agreement.
  3. Gazing at someone doesn’t mean staring fixedly at them; doing so can actually come across as impolite.

In literature, characters are often described as having “eyes that speak.” In reality, everyone has eyes like that; as long as we utilize them well, they can be more persuasive than the words we speak.

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Parents Zone

How can parents help young children adapt to primary school life both psychologically and physically？

Source:  Professor Chiu Wing Kai, Chair Professor of Sociology at the Education University of Hong Kong.



It’s already been 5 months into 2023 and summer vacation will be coming soon, followed by the start of the new school year in September. For K3 students to start their primary school life. However, these students have spent most of their 3-year kindergarten education in online classes due to the pandemic, with little face-to-face interaction. How can parents help them adapt to their new academic and social life in terms of their psychological and physical well-being.

 

Students who are promoted to Primary 1 are at most at K2 level because they have not returned to school for at least one full year. There are many things they need to adapt to when transitioning from kindergarten to primary school. These include school schedules, daily routines, and learning styles that are vastly different from what they are used to. Kindergarten classes typically last for around 20 minutes, after which they move on to another subject, but in primary school, classes can be 35 minutes or longer, making it difficult for them to maintain their focus. All of these issues can create significant adaptation problems for young students.

So how can parents explain these changes to their children? Firstly, parents should not be too anxious, as many primary schools offer simulation courses and adaptation weeks for new students, as well as school visits. Primary schools are usually much larger than kindergartens, and young students may be excited about the various facilities and opportunities available to them. However, it is best to start talking to them once they begin school, as too much information too soon may be overwhelming. Simply telling them, “Yes, this is what school is like” is often enough.

 

Additionally, some things that young students may not be capable of now do not mean they cannot accomplish them, they just need time to grow and develop. Parents need to remember that every child has a different growth rate. After starting school, observe their emotional changes when they return home from school, and if you notice any issues, pay close attention to them.

 

It takes time for young children to adapt, but sometimes parents also need to adapt. In kindergarten, we refer to it as the Homeroom (regular class location), where one teacher leads the class, and children usually only see one or two teachers. If parents need to participate or collaborate with the school, they can simply find that teacher. In primary school, each subject has different teachers, so if any issues arise, parents need to consider how to communicate with each teacher.

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Parents Zone

How can children learn to take care of themselves?

Source: Shirley Loo, Executive Director, Family Development Foundation

As we may notice, in today’s society, the children of the previous generation have grown up and are now working in society, but it seems that their parents are involved in many things. It made me think back to my own childhood—did our moms always take care of us in a pampering role? Did everything seem to be taken care of so well that the kids could just focus on school and academics?

 In fact, this is definitely not a healthy phenomenon for the growth of children, but I also understand that mothers think that children do not need to care about anything, mothers take care of everything for you, remove any adversity and difficulties for him, establish a protection zone, and tell him to focus only on studying well. But being a good student is not the same as knowing how to be a good person. Both things should be balanced.

 They may find it very profound to know how to behave. If you narrow it down, it means the ability to take care of oneself. Parents should know how to let go and let their children learn to take care of themselves; that is, if they know how to do things themselves, they should let them do as much as possible. For example, he knows how to pack his schoolbag, and how to put things into it. Of course, you have to teach him first and then let him do it.

 This ability to care for oneself is also a survival skill; from the initial tying of shoelaces and packing of a schoolbag to growing up a little to take care of one’s own bookshelves and desks, and later applying to university, all are very basic survival skills. For example, what does it mean to “pack a schoolbag”? First, he must know how to write a handbook. He did not write everything down at first, but he can ask his classmates, and mothers can take the initiative to find different parents to chat with and compare the handbook with.

Second, check if he is shortsighted because many children do not copy properly because of eye problems. Third, in addition to the handbook being fully written, is how to organize in accordance with the timetable. Mom can demonstrate how to organize once a day before. The next day, ask him, “Get the General Studies book.” Slowly, he learns to organize, his mother can praise him, and some parents even use those reward tables. Give him a stamp if he packed the schoolbag today so that he has some sense of achievement. When he knows how to pack his schoolbag, it means he knows how to sort things.

 Many times, parents are preoccupied with their own lives or work pressures, or their moods do not always remain positive. “Don’t do that; I’ll help you do it instead.” There will be times when there is no way; we will miss and be exhausted. But if you really do his homework for him, there is a risk because it’s dishonest and you don’t let him learn, because he would only learn and remember after making mistakes. I remember once a mother telling me that her daughter’s writing was crooked, so the mother kept erasing and breaking paper.

I said, “You can use some creative methods to teach children in first grade.” I like to tell her that every word has its own home, and that home is inside the square. Those words like to return home, and you can help them be securely placed in their home. Parents need to be patient and wait for their children to improve slowly. Each child has his or her own pace of growth. I hope parents will respect the rhythm of their growth and respect their pace. In fact, while they are learning, we are also learning, so we can all progress together.

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Parents Zone

Should parents stop children throwing toys?

Source：Registered Educational Psychologist, Pang Chi Wah

 

When parents encounter children in the toddler stage picking up toys, they will throw, throw, throw! In fact, this is a normal developmental process, especially between the ages of 1 and 2. Because picking up toys and throwing them causes objects fall down, it is easier to see the cause-and-effect relationship.

Pick up, let go, and there will be sound and action. The action means that after he does the action, the object will fall down and feel very funny. However, as he grows older, he should stop throwing toys. It is not appropriate for parents to stop him and say that it is wrong for him to throw toys again. He may not know what is right and wrong, but he finds it fun. Parents can appropriately let him continue to throw and set some rules so that he throws into some of the appropriate ranges. Even with the wrong color, it does not matter; at least put it back in the appropriate range.

Parents can also let him throw the ball; it can be thrown relatively far away. In the home area, you can use some trays or different boxes so he can throw it in like a storage toy. Of course, ask him to be a little less forceful. Another thing that is very important is that parents remember to pay attention to the fact that if you tell him not to throw when he throws, it will strengthen his desire to throw. Because this statement is not positive enough, parents should remember that when he throws the toy, they should not say, “Do not throw the toy again.” Instead, you can say, “We try to slowly put it down.” Put it here, a little more gently.”

On the one hand, we provide opportunities for him to throw himself appropriately into the environment, and on the other hand, we speak in a positive way to guide him on what he should do so that there is a chance to improve his behavior.

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Parents Zone

3 big tricks to let young children know the emotions & improve their social skills

Written by: Speech Therapist Mother, Miss Carley

Since children are only about two or three years old, their knowledge of the world will become deeper and deeper, teaching them to understand emotions can help them express their feelings and encourage them to put themselves in the position of understanding the feelings of others, thereby enhancing their social skills.

Tip 1: Parents and children watch cartoons together

Parents can watch more cartoons with their children. Often, the expressions of the characters in these cartoons are exaggerated so that children can identify the emotions and feelings of the characters and ask them about their reasons and solutions. Parents and children watching stories and the storytelling process, in fact, can also ask children to replace the characters in the story and think about what they feel.

For example, in the story of the three little pigs, parents can ask their children, “If you are a little pig and your house is blown down, how would you feel?” If you were the big pig and your house was not blown down, how would you feel? This allows them to put themselves in other people’s shoes more often.

Tip 2: Put yourself in their shoes

In daily life, parents can also try to grasp the opportunity to let their children know that their behavior will affect the feelings of others. For example, when a child does something bad or misbehaves, ask him, “What do you think about mommy’s emotions right now? It turns out that mommy is angry, so they know that their behaviors affect others.

Tip 3: Ask your child to keep a diary of daily events

Parents can also try to ask their children to draw or write down the events of each day in a diary, and how they feel about themselves or others, to deepen their emotional awareness.

 

Further, parents can teach their children that there are different levels of feelings and emotions. For example, happy can be a little happy, very happy, or super happy. Parents can also play simple games with their children, such as asking them at a theme park, “Are you a little happy, very happy, or super happy?” If you are a little happy, take one step; if you are very happy, take two steps; and if you are super happy, take three steps. Let the children know more about these emotions.

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Parents Zone

To love children, first to love themselves,
3 moves to teach you to maintain the best mental state

Written by :Family Dynamics Child Play Therapist
                   Marriage and Family Therapist, Ms. Lee Wai Zi

In today’s society, it is indeed not easy for parents to maintain a good state of mind and body. I have met with many parents and found that the difficulty most parents face is not that they do not understand their children’s feelings and needs, or that they do not know how their behavior affects their children, but that it is difficult to maintain a trusting and optimistic attitude towards their children when they are in a situation. Often, parents become increasingly anxious as they worry that their child’s problems will continue and worsen, and repeat ineffective ways of dealing with their child’s problems.

So, how can parents maintain the best mental state to face the stress and challenges of disciplining their children? Here are some tips for parents to consider:

1. Be more sensitive to your own stress levels
Parents are human beings, so there will be times when they are depressed or physically and emotionally exhausted. The purpose of parents being sensitive to their own mental state is to remind themselves that they need to take care of their own needs first. It is difficult for parents to be sensitive and responsive to the needs of their children when they are in a highly stressed state. Conversely, inappropriate responses may harm the child and damage the parent-child relationship.

2. Use resources effectively to relieve stress
When parents feel stressed, they should try to explore and make good use of their own internal and external resources to regulate their negative emotions. For example, find family members or friends to talk to, do things that can relax you, and find positive thoughts and beliefs to encourage you. The purpose is to give yourself a proper rest and temporary relief from stress.

3. Turn your mind around and reflect
If a parent’s stress continues and increases, professional help is needed. Sometimes, these pressures come from more than just external influences. Parents’ self-worth, worldview, and perceptions of things can affect how we parent. For example, some parents worry that they are not doing enough to fulfill their parental responsibilities and end up pushing their children to study or participate in activities, or even that they are not flexible enough to respond to their children’s needs when they are stressed and negative. If

parents are aware of and take care of their own feelings and needs, they can prevent their negative emotions from affecting the next generation.

Therefore, parents who love their children must first love themselves. Only when parents are healthy and happy can their children grow up healthy and happy.

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